If I’m a Wreck Today, Don’t Mind Me…

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I had a conversation yesterday that kind of wrecked my day. 

Not in the typical, “Oh wow, that really stinks” way. More like I heard the words coming out of my own mouth and went…

Oh. No.  

We were talking about my early-rising habits and how I wasn’t convinced I needed to get up at five am to spend time with Jesus. I mean, I was getting up at six, coming straight to the office, exercising and then squeezing in half an hour with him before everyone else showed up to work.

I mean, I was milking that half an hour for all it was worth, but I was still only getting a small percentage of time. I tried to convince myself that thirty minutes was enough, that I could make it through my day praying in my head and not on my knees. 

I was wrong. Epically, crazily wrong. 

I heard myself trying to explain this to someone and watched, horrified, as all my self-discipline and weekend hunger for the LORD started to make a slow crawl towards the door of my office. Right then, I decided that the LORD and I would get more time.

Five am came early today and cold. 

I stayed buried under the covers of my borrowed bed, squinting against the bedside lamp. I pulled on a faded gray sweatshirt over my workout clothes and pulled out my Bible.

Ok Abba, I’m here. What do you have for me today?

 

I opened my journal and started to write. Let’s be real, five am is too early to think about what I write, so I figured I had a good shot at some honest prayer journaling.

What came was an outpouring of emotion and knowledge of how much I needed Him. I was hit with emotion and the burden of knowledge. The enemy attacked with a force I haven’t felt in a long time, which told me I was on the right path. I scribbled more, line after line of intercession and desperation. 

What came out was the bigness of God and his jealous love-not only for me-but the ones I love. 

This morning, hours after, I got a phone call that wrecked my day. 

I sank to my knees, overwhelmed by His goodness and providence and favor. And the knowledge that His love for them is greater than mine. And the wonder that He would listen to someone small like me.  And the desire to be so close to Him, so wrapped up in His heartbeat that I can be with Him always.

So if I’m a little overwhelmed today or prone to tears, don’t mind me. I’m just wondering at Him and How wonderful He is. How He gives above and beyond all I could ask or imagine. 

“…think carefully about this Jesus whom we declare to be God’s messenger and High Priest.”                -Hebrews 3:1

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